The Chilling Effect
Figure 12-2
Alice is nineteen and expected to marry a less than desirable lord. At her engagement party, she is confronted by several people who try to give her reasons why she should marry the lord. They tell her that she cannot do better than the man, or that she is almost twenty and should be married very soon. Alice also does not want to be a burden to her mother, who just lost her husband.
With all of the pressure from those around her, Alice feels powerless. Alice is experiencing the chilling effect. Guerrero wrote, "According to the chilling effect, the less powerful person often hesitates to communicate grievances to the partner (Roloff & Cloven, 1990)."21 Alice is afraid to tell anyone that she does not want to marry the lord because she does not want to compromise her relationship with her mother, sister, or peers.
With all of the pressure from those around her, Alice feels powerless. Alice is experiencing the chilling effect. Guerrero wrote, "According to the chilling effect, the less powerful person often hesitates to communicate grievances to the partner (Roloff & Cloven, 1990)."21 Alice is afraid to tell anyone that she does not want to marry the lord because she does not want to compromise her relationship with her mother, sister, or peers.
Avoiding vs. Competitive Fighting
When Hamish proposes to Alice in front of everyone at the engagement party, she turns to the conflict style of avoiding. According to Guerrero, "When using the avoiding style, people refrain from arguing and refuse to confront their partners in any meaningful way."22 Alice tells Hamish everything is happening to quickly and needs time to think. As she is attempting to avoid this conflict, Alice spots a white rabbit and follows him to "Wonderland".
"Wonderland" was an escape from reality she visited as a child. When Alice returns, she goes on a journey to end the Red Queen's reign over the kingdom. During this adventure, Alice finds her power. Alice returns to the engagement party with a better sense of self confidence. She tells Hamish that she does not wish to marry him. Alice explains to her mother and sister that she will be fine even though she is turning down the proposal, and they do not need to worry about her.
During Alice's return to "Wonderland", she went from the conflict style of avoiding to competitive fighting. Competitive fighting is described by Guerrero as, "...characterized by an uncooperative orientation and a direct style of communication (Blake & Mouton, 1964)."23 If Alice was going to be cooperative, she would have been unhappy. She came to the realization that her life needs to be under her own control and nobody else's.
"Wonderland" was an escape from reality she visited as a child. When Alice returns, she goes on a journey to end the Red Queen's reign over the kingdom. During this adventure, Alice finds her power. Alice returns to the engagement party with a better sense of self confidence. She tells Hamish that she does not wish to marry him. Alice explains to her mother and sister that she will be fine even though she is turning down the proposal, and they do not need to worry about her.
During Alice's return to "Wonderland", she went from the conflict style of avoiding to competitive fighting. Competitive fighting is described by Guerrero as, "...characterized by an uncooperative orientation and a direct style of communication (Blake & Mouton, 1964)."23 If Alice was going to be cooperative, she would have been unhappy. She came to the realization that her life needs to be under her own control and nobody else's.
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